Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
