I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
