So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
