I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize