so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
