I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
