He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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