Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
