one might say we're banned from that church
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
