Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
