I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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