bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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