i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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