my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
