Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
