I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
