mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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