yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
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i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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