i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
