You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
