Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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