: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
