At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
