did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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