loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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