I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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