what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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