My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
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I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
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Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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