I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
