ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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