someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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