Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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