Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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