his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
