My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
