I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
don't judge my taste in strippers
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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