Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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