twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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