I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
