They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
