He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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