i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
