i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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