I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Bring me that man meat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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