Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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