I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
