My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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