i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
