i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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