I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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