dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
