I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
