You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
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she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
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Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making