i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
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marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.