ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?