i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
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you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops