this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
