I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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