When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
