It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
