She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
