Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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