She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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